Two figs

You know the person who says they couldn’t give two figs about something?

They never have any figs.

I don’t have any either but I don’t go on about it.

What am I missing?

If I was boasting I would start with at least ten figs.

You would then say you had 11.

Obviously I really had 12.

Step it up, buttercup

You then move to a thousand, then a million. Yet I always have just one more than you.

After a day or two I can see your desperation. Gazillion, trumptillion. I go higher still.

I can see the word forming before you even say it.

“Infinity ” I see a brief second of celebration on your face.

Infinity plus one I say.

You’re sweating. You probably want your mammy.

The game continues. You only have one more move to make.

I can wait a lifetime. I never lose.

More numbers than you can possibly say ever

You said it. I give you a second to savour of what you think is the ultimate victory.

Then I bring out my hand from behind my back with crossed fingers.

Skinchies, I say.

The word ,with crossed fingers,that means it doesn’t count.

I win.

What was your word?

Every child has a word

At a young age,every child has a word for this. Everybody knows crossed fingers wins any argument.

For some reason every adult apart from me has stopped using it.

Go ahead,start an argument with me, you can’t win –

Just like the person with no figs.

8 thoughts on “Two figs

  1. Horrors! After reading this I’ve discovered I can no longer cross my fingers on either hand. Therefore I cannot win an argument, so I’d better not start any! and I won’t be buying any figs either.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t have any figs but my neighbour has a fig tree that overhangs my garden. That creates an anomaly in the space time continuum which results in me simultaneously having no figs and having lots of figs. Does anyone know of a helpline I can call?

    Liked by 4 people

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