Extra fools needed for the Anecdote provision service

 

I am quite lucky to be, what most would consider, a bumbling fool.

It really helps with my work for the anecdote provision service.

Nearly everywhere I go I am able to collect new anecdotes for my job.

If you decide to start working for them too, I have got two standard anecdotes for you to use now.

Remember – it’s easier if you pretend to be me.

 

Rules and Waiting Rooms

 

Rule No 1 of the APS is always make sure the anecdote receiver (AR) has no realistic means of escape.

Waiting rooms are good. It is very rare that any ask if you have an appointment.

You can just go in and sit down. People assume you are meant to be there.

Weigh up the room, to see who would most benefit from an anecdote.

It is about making the story as boring as you can, which is why I recommend you use my anecdotes to start with.

The Anecdote Receiver (AR) is always the hero at the APS.

It is not about the anecdote you tell them – it is about the anecdote you create for them.

When they tell your story you will have created a moment that they can smile every time they tell it.

The forgotten madman in the waiting room.

Who walked out without having an appointment.

 

Sad Potato Museum of Amsterdam

 

For many people alive at the the time, It was not a surprise that Van Gogh did not sell any paintings when he was alive.

There is a whole museum in Amsterdam consisting mainly of sad people eating potatoes.

Imagine those poor people sitting eating their daily meal -one day with a painter sitting watching them.

“Who’s that guy?”

“Is he paying us?”

“Well tell him to piss off.”

“Just be quiet, eat your potatoes. He said we could have a painting after he’d finished.”

“What? Of us eating  potatoes?”

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Many years later at the same   museum I got locked in the toilet.

It may not have been that museum but it was very definitely a museum.

I think it was the Rijsmuseum where there may be a painting by Breughel of lycians with frog faces.

Who could forget that?

The toilets are situated halfway up the stairs between floors.

I almost didn’t notice it when I approached .The door was open.

I was in a massive hurry, locked the door behind me.

Then it came time for me to leave. I couldn’t open the door.

I tried the lock one way then the other ,lifted the handle,pushed pulled – nothing.

I  was too embarrassed to shout out. I waited till I thought no-one was on the stairs, then kept trying the handle. I just couldn’t get the door to open.

“I’m going to have to shout for help.”

I tried one last time – it was a sliding door.

How could I not have remembered that when I went in?

I could blame the IQ drop involved in an urgent wee-wee situation but I don’t really have that excuse.

Anecdote provision service one

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APS Anecdote 2 – What difference does a week make?

 

In my younger days, I spent some time getting fit.

Whenever I had the opportunity to travel I tried find local events I could join to keep me fit while I was away.

We’d booked a massive fly drive to America. Flying into Phoenix then driving the grand canyon, onto Bryce and Zion finishing up in Vegas.

The flights were booked, we were going.

I noticed Phoenix were holding a running event the week before we were due to leave.

Phoenix Half Marathon.

 

I only remembered this recently but I decided to email them to ask them to move it back a week.

I didn’t see the problem. My email is below :

 

Hi,

Just booked a holiday in phoenix and was looking for something to do.

Perfect – the half marathon.

Unfortunately it is a week too early.

Can you please put it back a week as I’m available on the 18th of December?

I’m worth it. I’ll wear a bear costume or something.

If you don’t you will have to accept the responsibility for me skipping training and getting fat.

I trust you will also reimburse me for having to buy an additional seat on the airplane so that I can fit into it if you can’t move the date.

Tim  🙂

ps. Will a chicken suit do? I don’t have a bear costume.

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I searched my emails, it seems they didn’t reply.

I was outraged. I’m not asking for the moon am I?

It’s only a week.

Even if their event fitted into my future plans, I wouldn’t do it.

I wouldn’t want them to have the satisfaction.

Chicken costume or not.

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Tim Willow

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