Humor

Murder at mealtimes?

Gallery lemonion1832 Comments

In a word, misophonia. (Fear of sound)

A fascinating and somewhat disturbing manifestation that boasts no diagnostic criteria and isn’t thought of as a psychiatric condition.

The term Misphonia originated in a publication by audiologists Powel & Margaret Jastreboff in 2000 and is described as a neurological disorder whereby certain trigger sounds can provoke extreme negative feelings.

The most common of which is thought to be the sounds made by others when eating or breathing.

Eat celery whilst wearing a mail coif and full chain mail body armour.

The mechanics governing misophonia are linked to a patent and royalty-free kick-ass super power, designed and perfected by evolution known to us as our fight or flight response.

Slurp soup whilst wearing full tactical riot gear.

At one end,

Hearing a person eating or breathing noisily may trigger feelings of discomfort, disgust and the urge to flee.

At the other end, the same noises can provoke hatred, fury, rage and even,

A desire to kill or stop whatever is making the noise.

I’ll say that again (because I enjoy bold italics)

A desire to kill or stop whatever is making the noise. (Webmd.com)

Enjoy crunching biscuits and sinusitis whilst wearing a suit of armour.

Has history accurately recorded the facts?

Our fight or flight response has been around much longer than coming to blows over castle ownership and paying taxes.

Gnaw on roasted pig bones at your peril !

In 1440 at The Black Dinner, the teenage Earl of Douglas and his younger brother, David were slaughtered at a banquet.

Expecting some teenagers to move food around their mouths quietly is a big ask.

Teenagers also huff and tut and sigh and puff a lot.

In 1692 at The massacre of Glencoe; again, after being served dinner,

Captain Robert Campbell killed his hosts.

Many of us may just say “thank you, that was lovely ” and begs the question,

Was murder at mealtimes due to misophonia?

What if history completely overlooked the possibility because nobody could be bothered to invent it yet?

Too busy inventing buckshot, stage plays and slim-fit tunics to be worn over tights for the discerning gentleman.

If you’re curious enough to diagnose your own misophonia tolerance levels:

(1) Fit as much a crunchy foodstuff into own mouth as humanely possible

(2) place own forefingers firmly into ears and hold position while chewing foodstuff thoroughly before swallowing, making as many chewing noises as able.

If you leave the room unharmed, calm and unmurdered at your own hand,

misophonia plays no part in your day to day activities.

Grace Nomel

Are you blonkers?

The first photo is of British comedian Les Dawson.

Worth looking into if you want to feel strange.

32 thoughts on “Murder at mealtimes?”

  4. I hate the glug-glug-glug sound of wine being poured into a glass. I have an extreme reaction to it…it makes me really mad! It’s like nails down a chalkboard to me. Don’t know why.

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  5. There are certain voices people use that completely drive me up the wall. I walk away quickly, otherwise… Hey, but is this Misophonia thing partially why I hate to hear my own voice on voicemail? OMG, do I hate the sound of my own voice? What to do now aside from shhhh…..

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  6. Actually, I have anxiety over sounds… The air conditioner, refrigerator… anything mechanical. I can hear them all together and pick them out individually. Right now, the temperature is such that I don’t need heat or air conditioning and it is bliss…

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    • I too experience certain feelings at the sounds made by others eating certain foods.

      I’m fine on hearing crunching, even teeth grinding !

      It’s the wet, ‘slotching’ and ‘shwapping’ sounds,
      Sticky, clacking, slurching …
      … any onomatopoeia enthusiasts out there want to nail that sound for me?

      The best description I’ve heard to date is,
      “Sounds like an army of vaginas marching through mud”

      There has to be a word out there in the literary universe that describes that sound perfectly.

      I can imagine taking an ice pick to the base of the offenders skull on hearing it but wouldn’t actually take an ice pick to a restaurant.

      The fantasy will always be better and much less messy than the reality 🙂

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        • Practicing the ‘slup’ as advised was a great suggestion Peter.

          Kept me focused for 30 seconds.
          I found myself tilting my head when practicing.
          Either to my left or right sides.
          It would seem the forced, practiced noise sounds clearer when made from the side of the mouth straight up into the air.

          I am also grateful most of my world are fast asleep and can’t watch me randomly practicing this exercise 🙂

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          • I’m pleased to see you taking this seriously. Some of the less well informed may well treat it frivolously. Perhaps you could record a demonstration and post it on YouTube. I’m sure it would be of benefit to lots of sluppers.

            Liked by 1 person

    • I can only tolerate a gulp if it’s infrequent and certainly not followed by the lip smacking and breathy, content, ‘argh’ sound.

      I find those sounds indelicate and unnecessary.

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